How Avoiding Difficult Conversations Can Make Conflict Worse

Most conflict doesn’t start with shouting.

It starts with avoidance.

A decision that doesn’t quite get explained.
A feeling that gets brushed aside.
A concern that feels “too small” or “not worth raising”.
A conversation postponed because it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or emotionally charged.

Over time, those avoided moments don’t disappear. They accumulate.

And eventually, they tend to surface as conflict often in ways that feel disproportionate, confusing, or sudden.

In our work, we regularly see people surprised by how intense a disagreement has become.

“It came out of nowhere.”
“We’ve never fought like this before.”

But when we look more closely, the signs were usually there. They were just quiet.

Conflict often emerges when people have been doing their best to “keep things calm” by staying silent. When concerns are minimised for the sake of peace, or when emotions are swallowed because there doesn’t seem to be a safe space to express them.

Ironically, the effort to avoid conflict can be what creates it.

This plays out in all kinds of settings.

In families, it might look like long-standing resentment finally erupting over a minor issue. In separation, it can show up as sudden rigidity after months of appearing cooperative. In workplaces, it often appears as frustration about tone or behaviour when the real issue is unspoken expectations or unequal load.

When things aren’t named early, they tend to come out sideways.

That’s why conflict is often less about what’s being argued over and more about what hasn’t yet been said.

Fight Free February isn’t about encouraging people to raise every issue immediately or confront others aggressively. It’s about creating space for earlier, calmer, more honest conversations before pressure builds to a point where everything feels like a fight.

Sometimes, reducing conflict isn’t about saying less.
It’s about saying the important things sooner, and more thoughtfully.

Avoidance can feel protective in the short term. But clarity, offered with care, is what prevents conflict from becoming entrenched.

This February, we’re inviting people to notice what they might be avoiding and consider whether a small, well-timed conversation could prevent a much harder one later.

Fight Free February is a month-long campaign sharing practical, everyday insights from lawyers, mediators, psychologists and counsellors about how to communicate more clearly and reduce unnecessary conflict in families, workplaces and relationships.

You can follow along on social media or sign up to receive the daily tips here: Fight Free February – Umbrella Family Law

Because the conversations we put off often shape the conflicts we face.