How to Be Child-Focused at School Events Post-Separation: The Tough Love Guide

Separation is never easy, and if you’re navigating life as co-parents, there’s no shortage of challenges. One of the trickiest situations is managing shared school events—whether it’s sports days, parent-teacher conferences, or end-of-year performances. These moments are supposed to be about celebrating your child’s achievements, but they can also stir up old emotions, making it difficult to stay focused on what’s really important.

We get that idea of seeing your ex at these events can make you feel like you’re stepping onto a battlefield, but the reality is, this is one of the most important times for your child to feel supported by both parents. So, how can you handle these moments with grace, maturity, and a focus on your child’s well-being? Here’s a little tough love on how to do just that.

1. Be Cordial, Even if You Don’t Want To

Let’s start with the hard truth: being cordial with your ex can feel like a huge ask, especially if things ended on a sour note. But you don’t have to be best friends, you just have to be civil. A simple “hello” or a brief exchange of pleasantries is all it takes to show that you can co-exist in the same space for the sake of your child.

And here’s why: your child is watching. They are noticing every word, every action, every moment of tension between you and your ex. If they see their parents making an effort to be polite, it sends a message that they are more important than whatever old grudges or resentments might still be lingering. You might not be able to change how you feel about your ex, but you can show your child that their happiness is worth the effort of keeping things civil.

2. The Focus Must Be on Your Child, Not on the Past

School events are not the time to rehash the past or point out each other’s mistakes. When you’re in close proximity to an ex, it can be tempting to slip into old habits, like trying to one-up them or subtly compete over who’s the better parent. But this kind of behaviour doesn’t serve anyone, least of all your child.

This is the moment to put your child first. Their achievements, big or small, are what should be celebrated. This isn’t about you and your ex trying to outdo each other in terms of parental involvement, and it’s certainly not the time to make passive-aggressive comments or argue about who’s more involved in their life. Your child deserves to see you both as a team, cheering them on, regardless of your personal differences.

You might be thinking, “But we’re not a team anymore,” and that’s understandable. The reality is, post-separation, you might never fully return to that “team” dynamic, but you can still be united in your goal: your child’s happiness.

 

3. The Unspoken Rule: It’s All About Your Child’s Wellbeing

When it comes to co-parenting, it’s easy to slip into a mindset where you and your ex are the priority. You’re both dealing with the emotional fallout of separation, and your feelings matter, too. But your child’s well-being is the ultimate priority. And when you and your ex can align on that goal—even if it means swallowing some pride or putting your own emotions aside—you’re setting your child up for a more stable, supportive future.

When your child sees both parents acting like adults, showing up for them, and putting their happiness first, it creates an environment of emotional security. It tells your child that even though their parents aren’t together anymore, they are still in this together when it comes to supporting them.

It’s hard to set aside your personal feelings, your hurt, or your anger for the sake of your child. But here’s the truth: kids are way more aware than we give them credit for. They know when things are off. They feel tension. They pick up on passive-aggressive comments and body language. So, if you can show them a better way—by putting them first, keeping the drama out of the picture, and staying focused on their well-being—you’re helping them thrive in what could otherwise be a very unstable environment.

Conclusion: Tough Love for Co-Parents

Separation isn’t easy, and neither is co-parenting.  It takes work. But the good news is that you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to try your best to put your child’s needs ahead of everything else. And school events are one of the best opportunities to do that.

So, next time you find yourself sitting in the audience at your child’s school play or picking them up from a sports event, remember this: your child’s happiness is the goal. It’s not about you, it’s not about your ex—it’s about showing your child that no matter what, they’re loved and supported by both of you.

If you have difficulty managing children’s issues with you ex, why not give parenting co-ordination a try? Visit https://umbrellafamilylaw.com.au/service/parenting-coordination/ to for more information.